My New Barber 

Written By 

Kevin Rose 


Characters: 

Barber: Older man in his mid 70's with slicked back grey 
hair, a blue barber's style jacket, and kahki's. 

Rich: Old mostly bald man with a brown sweater on, big nose 
and glasses. 

Young Man: Young man in his early 20's, black hair, slim 
build and intense eyes. 

Curtain opens to the inside of a barber shop. A bald older 
man is getting his crown of hair trimmed by an equally as 
old barber. A young man is sitting in a row of three chairs 
waiting his turn, thumbing through a magazine. The two old 
men are talking. 

BARBER 
Up over the ears or a little cover, 
Rich? 

RICH 
Frank I've been coming here 20 
years, back when I had a mane, you 
know how I want it. 

BARBER 
Hey, no need to get testy Rich, 
thought maybe you'd try a little 
bit of a different style. 

RICH 
I got a halo of hair Frank, how 
many different ways can you cut it? 

BARBER 
You can always shave it all off. 

RICH 
And become a full blown cue ball? I 
try to work with what I got Frank. 

BARBER 
And you do, you do, sorry I 
asked... 


A pause. 

BARBER 
You know, I'll be closed all of 
May. 

RICH 
Why's that? 



BARBER 
Hip replacement. 


RICH 
No Shit? 


BARBER 
Yeah, been acting up for years, 
doctor says it's about time, and I 
agree (Laughs) ya know? (pause) 
Hurts standin' all day. 

Barber shifts in his stance. 

RICH 
Sure, sure. I wish you luck. 


BARBER 
They say it's not so bad, better 
than the knee which, I don't know I 
still got the knees I came with. 
But a month of therapy and I can 
cut hair again. 

Barber finishes up and brushes Rich off. 

BARBER 
Well that'll do it Rich. I'll see 
you after May then.

 Shake hands and exchange of money. 

RICH 
Yeah, thanks Frank good luck. 


BARBER 
See ya. 


Rich walks off stage and the Barber starts to clean the 
seat. Whips the apron that goes around the clients neck, and 
motions for the young man to come up. Young man looks up 
from magazine, toss's it in the chair next to him and gets 
into the chair. 

YOUNG MAN 
How are ya? 


BARBER 
Oh fine fine, yourself? 


YOUNG MAN 
Good, need about an inch off, I 
wear it in a comb-over. 


BARBER 
Of course! 


While this is happening, the Barber is putting the apron on, 
and getting some combs out of the comb holder. 

YOUNG MAN 
So, you're getting a new hip? 


Barber spins him to face the mirror. And centers his head. 

BARBER 
Yeah, I've been livin' with the 
pain for awhile now figure I'd get 
it taken care of. I have good days 
and bad days that's why I've waited 
so long. They say it's not as bad 
as the knee. 

YOUNG MAN 
Is that so? 


BARBER 
Yeah, I dunno I would figure the 
opposite with all the bending. 

YOUNG MAN 
Right. You used to move your hips? 

Barber turns the Young Man away from the mirror. And 
proceeds to cut his hair. 

BARBER 
I still move my hips. 


YOUNG MAN 
I mean dance, you used to dance? 

BARBER 
Sure I did, I still do. Well I 
shuffle with my wife when a polka 
comes on the PBS. 

YOUNG MAN 
I used to dance polka with my 
grandma. 


BARBER 
Yeah I like polka. 


YOUNG MAN 
I'm not sure if I like polka so 
much for the music or the memory. 


A pause. 

BARBER 
You think it matters? 

YOUNG MAN 

Well no but I just guess I never 

thought of it until now. (Says next 

few lines like he's working it out 

as he goes) Like, why you like 

something, it could just be because 

someone else did at sometime, and 

you were there, you know. 

BARBER 
Um, well. 

YOUNG MAN 
How long you been in town? 

BARBER 

Been in town my whole life but in 

this spot, 40 years. 

YOUNG MAN 

So you know the town like no ones 

business, right? 

BARBER 
Yeah. 

YOUNG MAN 

Isn't there anything around that 

has a memory tacked on it? Like a 

spot you like to walk by? Or a tree 

you love? 

The Barber pauses and eyes up his hair. 

BARBER 

Yeah, there is this dogwood tree, a 

white flowered one, that blooms 

right in the middle of a bunch of 

pink ones and it was my mothers 

favorite. And, ah, I guess I like 

it so much because my mom did, I 

mean I think they are all 

beautiful, but it always just felt 

special cause my mother liked it so 

much. 

YOUNG MAN 

Like my memory of my grandma liking 
(MORE) 


YOUNG MAN (CONT'D) 
polka so much. I don't like it 
especially, but my grandma did, and 
now I kind of have a like for it by 
association. 
association.association. 
So do I really like polka? Do you 
really like that tree more than 
other trees? 

BARBER 
Well yes because they remind us of 
people we love. 

YOUNG MAN 
They carry baggage. 

BARBER 
Well I think baggage has a negative 
um... 

YOUNG MAN 
Connotation? 

BARBER 
Connotation yes. They evoke 
memories, it's special. 

YOUNG MAN 
They are memory catalysts. 

BARBER 
Excuse me? 

YOUNG MAN 
They bring about a dormant memory, 
make us change without they 
themselves changing. 

BARBER 
One more time. 

YOUNG MAN 
Ok, so a catalyst is a substance 
that increases the rate of a 
chemical reaction without itself 
undergoing any permanent chemical 
change. So... a memory catalyst, 
polka for me, white dogwood tree 
for you, is something that kindles 
a memory. Thus something about you 
has changed, your thoughts, while 
the catalyst, polka and dogwood 
tree, have remained unchanged kind 
of independent of the memory. 


BARBER 
You talk more than my regular 
customers. 

YOUNG MAN 
Sorry. 


BARBER 
No, no you're more interesting than 
Rich, who was just in here. I swear 
that man hasn't had a new thought 
it ten years. 

YOUNG MAN 
How long you been doin' this? 

BARBER 
Been cutting hair for 53 years. 

YOUNG MAN 
Jesus Christ, how do you stay in 
business? 

BARBER 
Keeping up with the trends I guess, 
you can't just, um, you can't just 
fall behind. 

Young Man is just sitting there giving a slight nod. 

YOUNG MAN 
You don't hear that to often, from 
older folks I mean. 

BARBER 
What? 


YOUNG MAN 
That you have to keep up with the 
trends, and like you said, not 
falling behind. A lot of people 
seem to get into a groove, you 
know, they just keep digging deeper 
and the deeper you go the less you 
see. 

BARBER 
You're quite the talker. 

YOUNG MAN 
It's true though! I bet many of 
your friends, like Rich you just 
said he hasn't had a new thought in 

(MORE) 


YOUNG MAN (CONT'D) 
ten years right? 

BARBER 
Yep. 


YOUNG MAN 
See but things change, they change 
everyday. How could a person's 
opinions and practices not change 
when presented with new happenings 
and new facts? 

BARBER 
When I was young doctors were the 
face of Camels. 

YOUNG MAN 
Exactly! And now many hospitals 
screen their employees for 
nicotine. 

BARBER 
I read that, yeah but the fact is 
people like what they do, like what 
they think. It becomes effortless. 

A pause. The Barber eyes up the Young Mans head and then 
brings out the razor. 

YOUNG MAN 
What's it like being old? 


BARBER 
Well, I'm getting a new hip. So it 
would seem the older you get the 
more new parts you get. 

YOUNG MAN 
I don't think I want to be old. 

BARBER 
Well, no one does son. 


YOUNG MAN 
What if I get stuck in some 
routine? I wouldn't even notice I 
bet, and I'd deny it is someone 
brought it up to me. 

BARBER 
I have a feeling you couldn't put 
on the blinders if you tried. 


Barber finishes up with the razor and turns it off. Then 
proceeds to hang it up. The Barber then turns the Young Man 
around and centers his head in the mirror again. Both are 
starring into the mirror.The Young Man looks a little 
startled. 

BARBER 
What's wrong? Is it too much. 

YOUNG MAN 
No I just...I haven't had it cut 
like this before. 

BARBER 
Do you want me to change it? Or cut 
more off? 

YOUNG MAN 
Um, no I think I like it. It's a 
change. 

BARBER 
I think this one suits you. 


YOUNG MAN 
Is this hair cut a trend right now? 
I actually have no idea what hair 
trends are in now that I think of 
it. 

BARBER 
Um, no it's not any particular 
trend right now. It was just the 
cut I thought suited you, your face 
and build and all. 

YOUNG MAN 
So you customized a style for me. 

BARBER 
You can look at it that way. 


Young Man's eyes look up and meet the Barber's in the 
mirror. 

YOUNG MAN 
I have a new memory catalyst now. 

BARBER 
What's that? 


YOUNG MAN 
Hair cuts. We had a nice talk. 


BARBER 
You don't always talk like this? 

YOUNG MAN 
Only when I have a catalyst. 


Both laugh. 

YOUNG MAN 
Really! I only get deep with my 
brother and women I'm trying to 
woo. Not old men, oh excuse me aged 
men, I meet at barber shops. 

BARBER 
(Laughing) No one's ever called me 
aged. 

YOUNG MAN 
Well you see yourself in the mirror 
don't you? You're aged but you're 
not old. Old things are dormant and 
you my friend certainly are not. 

Barber starts brushing Young Man off. 

BARBER 
You want anything in your hair? 
Jell? Pomade? 

YOUNG MAN 
Sure, some pomade. 


BARBER 
Ok, over to the side right? 


YOUNG MAN 
Yep to my right. 


Barber styles Young Man's hair. 

Young Man stands up and brushes his jeans off. Then looks at 
the Barber. 

YOUNG MAN 
You afraid? 


BARBER 
Of what? You leaving. 


YOUNG MAN 
(Laughs) No, of getting your hip 
replaced. 


BARBER 
Well, a little. I've never been 
under the knife before. 

YOUNG MAN 
It's not so bad. 

BARBER 
You got operated on? 

YOUNG MAN 
No. 

BARBER 
Then how do you know? 

YOUNG MAN 
My uncle got a new heart so I 
figure if he could get through a 
new heart, so what's a new hip? 

BARBER 
(Laughing) Well yeah if you look at 
it that way, I guess I'll be 
alright. 

YOUNG MAN 
I'm sure it'll be a welcomed 
change, new hips are in man. 

BARBER 
(Laughing) Well, thanks for coming 
in. 

YOUNG MAN 
Thanks for talking. 

BARBER 
I'll see you in June? 

YOUNG MAN 
Yep and we will see what's 
trending. 

BARBER 
You are your own trend son. 

Young Man smiles and drops his head a little, in agreement. 

YOUNG MAN 
Take it easy. 


BARBER 
By now.